Scissoring: What It Actually Is and How to Do It

I remember the first time my partner and I tried scissoring. We had seen it plenty of times in porn and figured it would be straightforward. It was not. We spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to actually position ourselves. Kept losing the angle. Eventually we started laughing and gave up. Tried again a few weeks later with more patience and it worked better. Still not like porn makes it look though.

Scissoring is one of those sex acts that is far more prominent in porn than in actual bedrooms. The position where two vulva owners interlock legs and grind their genitals together looks dramatic on screen but works differently in practice. Here is what it actually involves and how to make it pleasurable if you want to try it.

What Scissoring Actually Is

Scissoring refers to a position where two partners with vulvas position their bodies so their genitals can make contact. The legs typically interlock in a scissors like formation. The goal is usually clitoral stimulation through grinding or rubbing against each other.

Tribbing is the broader term that refers to any genital to genital rubbing between vulva owners. Scissoring is just one specific variation. Tribbing can happen in many positions but scissoring is the most visually distinctive and commonly referenced.

The appeal makes sense. Mutual genital stimulation at the same time. Direct vulva to vulva contact without needing toys. The intimacy of being physically intertwined. Both partners receiving equal sensation. In theory it sounds perfect.

Why Porn Gets It Wrong

Porn presents scissoring as a go to lesbian sex act but surveys of women who have sex with women show it is not as common as media suggests. There are reasons for this disconnect.

The position looks dramatic on camera and shows both partners' bodies clearly which makes it popular in porn regardless of how pleasurable it actually is. Clitoral contact is not guaranteed since vulva anatomy varies significantly between people and alignment can be difficult. Maintaining the position requires core strength and flexibility and gets tiring. Many find other activities like oral or manual stimulation or toys more reliably pleasurable. Getting the right angle where both clitorises actually make contact takes real experimentation.

That said many people do enjoy scissoring. The key is approaching it with realistic expectations rather than assuming it will work like porn depicts. It may take practice and communication and willingness to adjust to find what works for your specific bodies.

Different Ways to Position

The classic scissors has both partners lying on their backs with legs interlocked forming an X shape. Each person's vulva contacts the other's thigh or genital area. Movement comes from grinding hips together. This is the most recognized version but often the least effective for direct clitoral contact. It works better for grinding against each other's thighs.

Seated scissors has one partner sitting up while the other lies back with legs still interlocked. The seated partner has more control over movement and angle and pressure. This variation often provides better clitoral contact because the seated partner can adjust positioning more easily.

Side by side has both partners lying on their sides facing each other with one leg over the other's hip. More intimate than the classic position. Allows for kissing and upper body contact. More sustainable since neither partner is supporting weight awkwardly.

The T position has one partner lying flat on their back while the other positions themselves perpendicular with their vulva directly against the other's. Creates a T shape when viewed from above. Can provide direct vulva to vulva contact.

Making It Actually Work

Finding the right angle is the biggest challenge. Every body is different so what works requires experimentation. Try different amounts of leg interlock. Adjust hip angles by tilting forward or back or side to side. Experiment with how close or far apart you position yourselves. Do not be afraid to completely reposition if something is not working. Accept that what works for one couple may not work for another based on anatomy.

Natural lubrication may not be sufficient for comfortable grinding especially for extended sessions. Adding lube reduces friction and increases sensation and makes the whole experience more comfortable. Water based lubricants work well for genital to genital contact. Reapply as needed since friction uses up lube. More lube is generally better for this activity.

What feels good changes moment to moment. Since you are trying to align two bodies precisely ongoing communication is essential. More pressure or lighter. Faster or slower. Higher or lower. I need to shift. That is the spot. Both partners should contribute to the movement. If one person is doing all the grinding while the other lies passively adjust so both are actively participating.

Hands add a lot. Touch breasts or nipples or other erogenous zones. Add direct clitoral stimulation with fingers. Hold your partner's hips to guide movement and pressure. Touch yourself while grinding to ensure clitoral stimulation. Scissoring does not have to be genital only contact.

Common Problems

If you cannot feel much the issue is usually positioning or pressure. Adjust the angle until you find clitoral contact since small shifts can make big differences. Try pressing harder or softer to find optimal pressure. Focus on grinding motions rather than thrusting. Add a small vibrator between you for guaranteed stimulation. Try a different variation that might work better for your bodies. Accept that this position may not be your most sensitive. That is completely normal.

If it is hard to maintain use pillows strategically for support under hips or backs or heads. Switch positions when tired rather than pushing through discomfort. Try variations that require less sustained physical effort. Treat scissoring as part of a longer session not the entire activity.

If your bodies do not fit right try the seated variation where one partner can adjust position more easily. Use pillows or cushions to adjust heights and angles. Focus on tribbing in other positions that accommodate your bodies better. Accept that some positions simply do not work for some body combinations. The side by side variation often accommodates size differences better.

If it feels awkward and you keep losing the position laugh about it. Awkwardness is part of trying new things. Practice makes it easier over time. Start with simpler tribbing positions before attempting classic scissors. Do not expect perfection the first time or tenth time.

Alternatives That Often Work Better

Tribbing does not require the scissors formation. Thigh riding is simple and effective. One partner grinds against the other's thigh while straddling it. Allows for upper body contact and kissing and one partner's hands are free for additional stimulation.

Face to face grinding with one partner on top works well too. Grinding downward while the other partner grinds upward. Allows for kissing and eye contact and breast contact and feels more connected than the spread apart scissors position.

Straddling while one partner lies on their stomach creates different sensation. The top partner grinds against the butt or lower back. Provides stimulation for the top partner while the bottom partner can enjoy the pressure and intimacy.

Sitting face to face with legs wrapped around each other while grinding together allows for full upper body contact and kissing and eye contact while still providing genital contact.

Adding Toys

Toys can enhance scissoring significantly. A small bullet vibrator held between bodies during grinding ensures clitoral stimulation for at least one partner. A wand vibrator pressed between you is powerful enough that both may feel it. Double ended dildos add penetration for both partners while maintaining closeness. Strapless strap ons let one partner wear it internally while penetrating the other.

Who This Is For

While associated primarily with lesbian sex scissoring and tribbing can be enjoyed by women who have sex with women and nonbinary and trans individuals with vulvas and anyone with a vulva curious about the sensation and partners of any gender combination interested in genital grinding.

Some people love scissoring and it becomes a regular part of their sex life. Others try it once and prefer other activities. Both responses are completely valid. Sexual preferences are personal.

The Real Takeaway

Scissoring is real and can be pleasurable and works for many people. But it is not the universal automatically amazing sex act that porn suggests. The reality involves more adjustment and communication and physical effort than the fantasy portrays.

If you are curious try it with realistic expectations. Experiment with different positions and angles. Use plenty of lube. Communicate constantly about what feels good. Add hands or toys if direct genital contact is not providing enough stimulation.

And if scissoring is not your thing after giving it a fair try that is completely fine. There are countless other ways to experience pleasure together. Scissoring is one option among many not a requirement for good sex between vulva owners. The best sex is whatever actually feels good for you and your partner regardless of what is popular in porn or media.